You sexist pigs

Obviously Matt and Robb are picking on me because they're just jealous that my penis is bigger than both of theirs, and that the only people i've shown it to are the bass players that don't work out. I know they want to see it, but the most they'll get is that bulge down by the bottom hem of my jeans.

Little Book of Scottish Folklore

So, apparently Matt feels that I unfairly made him come across as anti-Scottish when I said on stage that he referred to Scotland as a "colony of retards." I will admit that this was unfair on my part, mostly because I did not give the context under which that statement was made. Matt claims that he wasn't saying he hated Scottish people; rather, he was saying that he hated Paula. So let me give you the entire dialogue as best as I remember it, and let you be the judge:

Paula: There's this documentary out, I don't remember the name, but it's about this isolated colony in the Northern UK that's inhabited by, and entirely run by, handicapped people.

Matt: I heard about that too.

Paula: Oh yeah?

Matt: Yeah, it's called Scotland.

...so, as you can see, Matt was clearly taking a shot at Paula and the one-fifth or so of her that is Scottish, and not at Scottish people in general (insert sarcasm here). Needless to say, it still won us a bunch of British fans.

Feel better, Laforest?

On a semi-related note, we have been auditioning bass players lately. In the meantime, our fill-in approach has been working wonderfully. The problem that we have with keeping bass players full-time, however, is that either Matt keeps subjecting them to his "Eau De Wrath" or Paula keeps sleeping with them. So we've decided to audition bassists who my gay-dar tells me aren't into women -- which means we only have to worry about Matt throwing drum sticks and other random bits of machinery at them in rehearsal (oh, and me trying to sleep with them if it's a Sunday).

But seriously though, Matt and I were at a party to launch Ryan Worsley's EchoPlant Studios over the weekend, where Colin Bales, the bassist in Dawntreader, remarked that he thought Paula was, "like a rock groupie who got lucky and actually joined the band." Although I had just finished asking Dawntreader how much longer they were going to replace Matthew Thomas with a male vocalist, Matt (Laforest) and I didn't much appreciate someone in another "band" talking ill of our bandmate. Remember, we can say all we want about one another, but if some outsider cuts us down, well, that's grounds for a monster beating.

So Matt and I dragged Colin's sorry ass down the hill and curbstomped him in front of his wife.

Canadians: remember to vote on October 14.

My turn!

Okay, hello my pretties! ...so, as Matt so kindly alluded to, I have been moving lately. Downsizing a little as well; I left with my record collection, guitars, laptop, and alcohol collection. I've been collecting bits of furniture, but nothing significant aside from a mattress and a blanket. I'm going for a very minimalist zen thing these days -- although I certainly make up for it with my diva selection of hair products! Was it not Al Pacino playing Satan in The Devil's Advocate who said, "Vanity: my favourite sin!"... regardless, I spent the long weekend doing a lot of writing! (this in response to Matt's previous post -- wait till we start going Gallagher bros.) -- some song titles in progress so far are:

After
We Are Not What They Are Wanting to Hear
Go to Sleep
Madonna

Yes, "Madonna" is an old, old Paint song for the faithful among you, but it's been completely re-written into a much more refined song -- kudos to Matt and Paula for their new energy and musical insight into all things Paint!

...more are being written still, and to reiterate what Matt wrote, they will all be debuted at the September 19th gig -- and don't forget about the radio spots earlier that week, where you can also get previews of the new tunes on radio or "internet podcast land" as Ben Lai at CiTR would say.

Ai'ite.